


Baker Street

by LarielRomeniel



Series: Songbook [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, F/F, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-06 08:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16384541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarielRomeniel/pseuds/LarielRomeniel
Summary: Sara Lance was an irresistible force, but the Time Bureau was, by Rip Hunter’s design, an immovable object, and Ava was trapped in between. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough.”Part of the "Songbook" continuity written with Jael, which is AU from about episode 3x09 on. PLEASE NOTE THE TAGS.





	Baker Street

**Author's Note:**

> It's a little ironic that I'm starting to like AvaLance, and that the way to liking the ship has been through finding ways to tear it apart while trying to be respectful to both characters in the process.
> 
> I started this fic back in February, at a time when I still really disliked Ava. I put it aside and only picked it up again in the past week, giving myself the challenge to write the Ava I would have liked to see with Sara - even if I was breaking them up.
> 
> To my utter surprise, in 4x01 the writers have adjusted her character into someone I wish we'd met a lot earlier. I don't know whether John's predictions to Sara will come true, but if the writers do choose to break up this couple I hope it's merely a breakup and nothing worse.
> 
> Lyrics to "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty.

_Winding your way down on Baker Street_

_Light in your head and dead on your feet_

_Well, another crazy day_

_You'll drink the night away_

_And forget about everything_

                  --“Baker Street,” Gerry Rafferty

 

Sara stretched her arms up above her head as she walked to the bridge. Not that she didn’t trust Gideon’s repair work. The AI had patched her up - and had even brought her back from the dead - too many times for Sara to doubt her. But she still liked to check that she had her full range of motion after a session in the Medbay.

A quick glance out the bridge window told her Ava had returned them to the time stream. She caught a flash of blond over the back of what had become “Ava’s chair” in the parlor. “Ava! You’re still here! I thought maybe you’d had to rush back to work.”

Quietly, Ava answered, “Not yet.”

Sara checked the console, and nodded to see that history was back on track. “Thanks for getting us underway. Drink?” she asked, heading toward the parlor table and the decanter sitting on it.

“Already got one. Help yourself,” Ava replied in a tone that wasn’t just quiet, it was dull.

Sara frowned and turned to look at her girlfriend. Ava was slumped in the chair, half-full glass in one hand. The bonnet she’d been wearing in 1888 London dangled from the other. She was still wearing the dress, too. The fabric was dark, so Sara couldn’t see the blood she knew was on the skirt. “Ava, you sound tired.”

“I _am_ tired,” Ava replied, staring down into her glass.

“Well, that dress can’t be helping. Can I… help you out of it?” Sara asked in a voice loaded with innuendo. Usually that would get a smile in return. When it didn’t, Sara reached out to put a finger under Ava’s chin, trying to get her to look up. “Hey? Ava?”

To her shock, Ava jerked away from her touch and snapped, “Don’t! Just…”

She finally looked up at Sara, her eyes filled with tears. “Just don’t,” she whispered.

Sara felt a heartsick pang at Ava’s anguished expression and broken tone. She sank to her knees in front of the chair so she was now the one looking up. “Ava, what is it? Talk to me.”

Ava let out a shuddering sigh and put her glass to her lips, draining it with one quick toss of her head. She took in a deep breath, as if gathering strength, and then asked, “Sara, do you know why I didn’t go with you to the Medbay this time?”

Sara blinked, considering. Finally, she admitted, “I… I didn’t really think about it. I guess I figured you believed Gideon for once when she said I’d be okay, and so you were getting us the hell out of Whitechapel before you had to head back to the Bureau.”

But now that Sara _was_ thinking about it… Ava had always, _always_ gone with her to the Medbay before, even when the injuries were minor. She would pace back and forth, worrying until Sara stepped off the chair, healed and whole once again.

But not this time.

And this time Sara’s injuries had been, well, just a bit more than minor, even though Gideon had indeed said she would be fine the moment Ray had carried her back on board.

Sara closed her eyes and sighed, then opened them again. “Ava,” she said, reaching for the other woman’s hand.

Ava pulled her hand back. “Sara, we need to talk.”

 _“No good conversation ever started with those words.”_ Sara winced as she remembered Ava saying that to her once upon a time, and the painful talk that had followed. But they’d been able to come back from that. Whatever this was, they could come back from it, too. Evenly, she said, “All right. Tell me what I need to do.”

Ava chuckled sadly. “You know, that’s one of the things I love about you. You’re willing to do anything to fix things. But… it’s also one of the things I hate about you, because ‘anything’ includes risking your life over and over… and over again.”

She leaned her head back to look up at the ceiling for a moment, drew in another deep breath and let it back out. “Every time you do that, it terrifies me to the point where I can’t breathe,” she said, looking back down at Sara. “I know you’ve managed to make it back every single time. But one of these days… One of these days you won’t, and I don’t have the strength to deal with that kind of loss.”

 

_You used to think that it was so easy_

_You used to say that it was so easy_

_But you're trying, you're trying now_

 

Ava had rehearsed those words over and over again while Sara was in the Medbay. Practice didn’t make perfect, though; she heard her voice break while admitting her greatest fear.

Her greatest weakness.

She’d tried, God knows she’d tried to get past this. She’d known from the very start that Sara was the daring one, willing to take incredible risks to protect time and the people she loved. For love, Ava had followed her time and time again into terrifying situations.

But their encounter with Jack the Ripper was the final straw. Not just because Sara had thrown herself in front of Thomas Cutbush’s knife, but because she’d put herself between him and Ava. If she’d died of her injuries...

“Well, then, ‘one of these days’ doesn’t have to come.”

Sara’s simple declaration drew Ava from her dark thoughts. When Ava stared back at her blankly, she continued, “I’ll step back. Give up the Waverider. I’ll… come help you run the Time Bureau and train new agents.”

Ava’s sad smile became a little wry. “Give up the Waverider? You, the greatest rule-breaker and adventurer I’ve ever known? You’d settle down, put on one of our poly-blend pantsuits, and teach rules and regulations? I don’t see it, do you?”

Actually, she _could_ see it, but it wasn’t a pretty picture. Ava could only envision two possible endings to such a scenario: Either Sara would push against the limitations of the bureaucracy until she became so frustrated and angry that she finally left, or she’d give in to them and become a pale shadow of the woman Ava had fallen in love with.

Sara Lance was an irresistible force, but the Time Bureau was, by Rip Hunter’s design, an immovable object, and Ava was trapped in between.

She sighed and leaned in a little closer to Sara. “You’d go stir crazy in just a couple of months.”

 

_But you know she'll always keep moving_

_You know she's never gonna stop moving_

_'Cause she's rolling, she's the rolling stone_

 

Sara huffed, torn between hurt and anger. “You may be right. But Ava, I told you from the very beginning that I’d never be normal--”  
  
Ava interrupted, “And I still don’t want you to be normal! That isn’t right for you. But--” she paused and sighed again. “It’s taken six months for me to figure out that normal is right for _me_.”

Hurt was winning out. “Ava, I love you--”

“And I still love you,” Ava told her. “I want you to always be that fierce, smart, caring woman I love. But being that person… it means always putting yourself on the line and running toward trouble, even if it’s twenty feet tall with… tentacles and razor-sharp teeth!” Ava laughed a little as she said it, but it sounded just a little hysterical, and Sara was feeling too heartsick to see the humor. “Sara, as much as I do love you, I can’t…”

Ava paused again and let out a huff of her own. “I can’t handle any more of the terror I feel whenever you’re in danger. I can’t take any more of the pain and fear I feel whenever you’re hurt. I can’t handle the way my heart just freezes up every time you do the things that make you a Legend.”

She clasped Sara’s hands, standing and pulling Sara up with her. “I’m sorry, Sara, but... I just can’t do this anymore.”

She gave Sara’s hands a light squeeze, then pulled away, walking out of the parlor onto the main bridge. Sara followed as she picked up the time courier sitting on the main console. “I’ve already taken my things from your room,” Ava said, trying for that crisp, efficient tone she’d used back when they’d first met in the Time Bureau.

It might have been convincing, if not for the tears running down her face.

Sara reached out to put a hand on her arm. “Ava, if we still love each other, we can work this out!”

“Oh, Sara.” Ava put a hand against her cheek and stepped closer to rest her forehead against Sara’s. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough.”

She kissed Sara’s forehead, then stepped away and tapped the button on her time courier. As the portal opened, she turned back to Sara.

“I will always love you, Sara. But for my sake, I have to love you a little less.”

Tears blurred Sara’s vision as Ava turned away again. The other woman paused, and for a moment Sara thought she might be changing her mind. Then Ava took a breath, set her shoulders, and stepped through the portal, letting it close behind her, leaving Sara alone on an empty bridge.

She didn’t think Gideon would have a cure for this hurt.

 

_And when you wake up, it's a new morning_

_The sun is shining, it's a new morning_

_And you're going, you're going home_


End file.
